who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize