your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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