Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
