Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
