shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
