I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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