I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i barfeds in our rink
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
