bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your penis caused this!
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