I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
