I looked at my own cervix.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
