let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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