I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
