he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
