when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
