She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
