But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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