we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
