May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
