I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
