youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
