Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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