this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish i was in the wii world.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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