he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize