yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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