i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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