I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
