it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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