You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
