My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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