Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize