He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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