i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
