Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
