hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
