I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
