i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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