I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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