I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
