I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
