Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
