I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
