i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
