We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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