I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
