No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
