So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
