is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
