hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
