I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
