Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
