The maid of honor just puked.
Apparently you make a good broom.
he thought i was a dude.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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