We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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