dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize