We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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