Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
