omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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