Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
