you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
