we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My bed smells like the plague
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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