If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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