Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
