I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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