Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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