he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
