k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
