Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I will be naked everywhere
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
