consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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