At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
