at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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