ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
